


we wished upon parallel lines

by haipollai



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Control Issues, Experimentation on Werewolves, M/M, Past discrimination, Red Room Manipulation, Violence, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-01
Updated: 2012-11-01
Packaged: 2017-11-17 13:06:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/551884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haipollai/pseuds/haipollai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Real stories don't start with 'once upon a time'. Everyone knows that fairy tales are lies anyway. Steve doesn't need a silver bullet to take down the man who has Bucky pinned to a tree. He doesn't see the blood until Bucky's on the ground and there's a sickening feeling of too late.</i>
</p>
<p>  <i>He begs Steve to turn the gun on him. Everyone knows the statistics and everyone knows what happens if you survive.</i></p>
<p>  <i>Steve can't do it.</i></p>
<p>  <i>The screaming doesn't start until that night when the infection sets in, tries to change him while his body tries to fight it off. The whole team sits with him, waiting for some indication that he's going to live or die.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	we wished upon parallel lines

**Author's Note:**

> Art by gala_apples over [here](http://gala-apples.livejournal.com/378395.html)!  
> And thank you to Ellie for being my beta.

_1943_ :

Real stories don't start with 'once upon a time'. Everyone knows that fairy tales are lies anyway. Steve doesn't need a silver bullet to take down the man who has Bucky pinned to a tree. He doesn't see the blood until Bucky's on the ground and there's a sickening feeling of too late..

He begs Steve to turn the gun on him. Everyone knows the statistics and everyone knows what happens if you survive.

Steve can't do it.

The screaming doesn't start until that night when the infection sets in, tries to change him while his body tries to fight it off. The whole team sits with him, waiting for some indication that he's going to live or die.

 

_Now_ :

“We have the tests back, sir, just like you asked for.”

“Someone want to tell me what I'm looking at?” Fury asks.

“You're looking at proof that Sergeant James Barnes was apparently a werewolf,” Coulson answers.

Fury looks at Steve who still hasn't said a word. “How the hell does a lycan boy in 1920s New York City not get documented? Or at least shot in the back of the head?”

“They only shot adults, sir,” Steve says stiffly. “Kids were typically sent to special homes in the Catskills and were...they attempted to cure them.”

“Not an answer, Rogers. Why wasn't this in his file?”

“Bucky wasn't born with the gene. He was scratched in 1943.” Steve takes a steadying breath. He remembers the night it happened. For the most part, Nazis included werewolves in their extermination attempts but some slipped through the cracks or were picked up by Hydra. It had happened so quickly while the rest were busy on the ground that no one had realized until the fight was over and no one could spot their sniper. The infection had almost killed him. Steve remembers the whole unit sitting around him, waiting. “I've noticed treatment today isn't much better.”

“We don't lynch them these days,” Tony says.

“No, you just pretend they're treated fairly. There's a reason suppressants sell so well.”

“Hey-”

“Children! This agency is not concerned with the rights of lycans in the United States,” Fury snaps. Clint raises his hand slowly; he looks ready for someone to bit his head off. “ _What_ , Barton?”

“Why did the Russians keep him on suppressants? We know they used werewolves as agents.” He glances at Natasha.

“Sense of smell might bring back memories.” She leans back in her seat; she's had a long time to come to terms with what she is. “I remember him though. In controlled environments they made him shift and then used him to turn other agents.”

Steve goes pale and mumbles a quick apology before darting from the room. 

“Should we...?” Bruce starts and Natasha is the one who stands.

“There are only two more nights before the next full moon, sir.”

“I know Romanoff. Go make sure Rogers doesn't do something noble.” Fury sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. Natasha doesn't need enhanced senses to know exactly where Steve went and finds him outside Bucky's cell, watching him pace.

“He was always terrified of changing someone,” he says after a moment, eyes on Bucky, watching him pace the room erratically. “Slipping up and that would be it. I think if he survived the war, he was planning on going AWOL before we shipped home. Never said as much though.”

“What did you do during the moon?”

“The first time we chained him to a tree,” he frowns at the memory and unconsciously touches his shoulder. Natasha notices but stays silent. “He knew us though. Knew me. So...we put it to use. Used to plan attacks on the full moon when he was strongest. But everyone on the other side he bit, he made sure it was a kill. Even then.” He finally looks at Natasha. “When he realizes he was made to turn people...”

“It wasn't his fault.”

“Tell him that.” They watch Bucky pace, rubbing frantically at his hair. Natasha had to use suppressants for two months for an op once and hated it, she can't imagine 70 years. “The doctors say they can't give him anything to help. His metabolism will break down most conventional drugs too fast. And no one's thought to develop one to help with suppressant addiction.”

“When he shifts during the moon,” it will be agonizing, but she doesn't tell Steve that, he already knows. “It should knock out the rest from his system.” Steve rests his head against the glass with a dull thunk that catches Bucky's attention. He approaches slowly, eying what looks only like a mirror from his side suspiciously.

Very lightly his fingers touch the glass and Steve copies the movement but Bucky's eyes are already elsewhere. “Back up,” Natasha hisses. “Now.” She grabs his arm when he makes no attempt to move and yanks him a step backward just as Bucky's hand closes into a fist and the glass cracks under the force of his blow.

His lips curl into a dangerous grin and he brings his fist back again. Guards are already storming in though, dragging him back to the bed and pumping him full of sedatives.

They sit there, watching as technicians quickly replace the glass, trying to finish before Bucky regains consciousness. Coulson silently appears beside them, a file in hand. “There's an emergency in Virginia. A possible AIM base, go, distract yourselves.”

-

Two nights later, it's Bruce who shows up to keep Steve company. Steve had tried reading but couldn't get into anything. So he watches, seeing the signs before anyone else does. Bucky's pace falters and his yells and curses get louder, blaming them still for whatever is hurting. For drugging him.

Steve doesn't know how many times he's seen Bucky shift since the very first time with Bucky stripped to underpants with iron chains stolen from the motor pool binding him to a tree outside camp. And this is like the first time all over again, with all the pain of having your body forcefully twisted from one shape to another. Bucky's screaming and the sound is twisted, somewhere between wolf and human and now everyone's paying attention. But no one moves because everyone knows this has to happen, it's not another attempt to break out.

He's clawing at himself, drawing blood and Steve can't sit there anymore. This is worse then the first time, there's no sense of understanding. He bursts into the room, ignoring everyone's yells. Bucky cowers and snarls but Steve just moves closer, dropping down to be at his level. The shift is almost complete but the human Bucky doesn't remember this and is fighting it. His back isn't in the right position and his feet are mostly human.

Steve holds out one hand, praying that the Russians were right, that the wolf’s sense memories are enough to bring back something of Bucky. “It's alright,” he murmurs as Bucky bumps his hand with his muzzle. There's a sickening sound of bone grinding and Bucky bites. Steve hears a gasp from the door and a soft oh fuck but Steve ignores them and instead of throwing himself away, moves towards Bucky, using the clench of his jaw to throw Bucky onto his back, pinning him down. Bucky's stronger like this, he could throw Steve off. For a second, Steve thinks he's going to but then Bucky's jaw releases and Steve carefully withdraws his hand, taking a moment to check the injury. He's surprised to see there are only indents, the skin wasn't even broken. Bucky held back.

He meets Bucky's eyes, still the same color as when he's human and Bucky tilts his head back, exposing his throat. Steve grins in relief and rolls off of him. Bucky approaches him carefully and Steve doesn't care that he might just be sizing Steve up for weaknesses, he holds out a hand and lets Bucky rub his head against it. The gesture makes him smile softly 

“Steve?” Bruce's voice comes over the intercom, making Bucky jump and growl.

“Come in to talk Bruce.” Steve reaches for him running his fingers through the fur of Bucky's side. Bucky moves closer but he's still on edge so Steve loops an arm around his neck. It's maybe too familiar, the wolf is in control and for all Steve knows, he might still be considering taking a bite out of his throat. But for now the wolf seems to recognize him and Steve hopes it's enough to keep him calm for the rest of the night.

Bucky drops into an aggressive stance when the door opens but Steve refuses to let go and keeps himself calm, hoping Bucky will take the cue. “Steve, we need to check you over, right now.”

“I'm fine Bruce.”

“He bit you Steve. The anti-virus will only work in the first 24 hours.”

Steve holds up the hand so Bruce can see the lack of injury.

“Captain,” As Steve watches carefully, Coulson takes a few steps into the room, dropping down and letting Bucky sniff him. “Despite all the steps undertaken to protect lycans in this country, I don't think the people would appreciate a werewolf Captain America.”

“He didn't bite me,” Steve risks letting his arm adjust so just his hand is on Bucky. If something startles him, Steve hopes he'll still be able to grab a handful of fur and hold him back. “And he won't bite.”

Coulson arches an eyebrow. “You're positive, Captain?”

“I am.” He holds out the hand so Coulson can see for himself. “Can we discuss this in the morning?”

“Understood, we'll keep tabs on you two on the monitors.” 

“Bring him something to eat.”

“Same thing Natasha gets?”

“Perfect.”

Coulson doesn't look pleased but he leaves them. Bruce returns a few minutes later and tosses Steve a book. “Werewolves aren't the best conversationalists so just in case you get bored,” he says with a small shrug. With the door firmly closed behind Bruce, Steve feels safer in letting go of Bucky and moves to the bed. He stays there, letting Bucky explore the room on his own. He has to stop him from trying to break down the door a few times. Bucky wants to get out, the room is too small for him like this but Steve knows there's no way he'd be able to talk anyone into letting him take Bucky outside.

He's calm though, calmer then Steve expected and he tries not to let himself hope that maybe it's because Steve is there and the familiar scent is keeping the worst at bay.

The morning arrives with another round of screams and he holds Bucky as his body forces itself to return to its human shape. He's not able to bounce back from it as fast as he can as a wolf and he's left shivering and shaking in Steve's arms.

He drags himself away once he's able to and Steve tries not to show him how much that hurts. The night before was almost like old times and he should have known better then to assume it would continue like that. “There are clothes on the bed,” he says simply as he gets up to leave.

“Wait.” His voice is still rough but clear. “I know you.” He looks up at Steve, his face still twisted in pain and confusion. “I'm not supposed to...What's going on?”

Steve smiles in relief and lets himself hope that maybe things really will be ok.

-

Natasha comes by and carefully walks Bucky through the steps of shifting, helping him relearn how to handle the werewolf. He's still broken inside, and there are pieces that don't fit but he jumps on this as a way to focus. It helps he recognizes her, he trusts her while Steve is still met with suspicious glares. Steve starts to prefer it when Bucky is in wolf form because the wolf knows him.

Each shift still hurts, Steve isn't sure if they'll ever stop hurting, but Bucky keeps forcing them anyway. He starts staying in wolf form for longer. The missing limb doesn't bother him as much as a wolf. The Soviet designed metal arm remains off after the first shift, becoming too much of a nuisance. The changes in his musculature damaged the joint and would have to be replaced. At the same time leaving him feeling even more vulnerable as a human and pushing him to prefer his wolf form.

The cell is too small for him as a wolf, and it isn't much better when he's human. Steve spends most of his time in it with him. Bucky ignores him at first, pacing the cell like before, testing its limits as if the metal walls might change, sometimes he glares and talks to him in Russian, lips twisted in a dark smile but more often Bucky looks haunted and he tells Steve he's not worth all of this. Steve has to tell him over and over again that he's not giving up on him.

He knows the exact conversation Natasha and Bucky have about Bucky being used to change others. Bucky is still more comfortable in Russian but Natasha stands and shows him where his claws opened her up from stomach to thigh. Bucky looks like he might be sick and Steve can hear him mumble 'no' over and over. Natasha has her arms around him before Steve can even stand. She speaks in English as she assures him it's not his fault.

Steve sits in front of them and is at a loss on how to help, just holds Bucky's hand tightly. Natasha gives him a small nod over Bucky's head.

It's when he finally breaks through the glass a second time that SHIELD agrees that moving him elsewhere would be best. Steve volunteers his floor in the Tower without hesitation. He knows what they meant was a bigger cell but they have no basis to argue with him. Steve has shown he can handle Bucky as a wolf and Steve is convinced the Winter Soldier poses no more threat to him either.

Fury agrees as long as they do it his way. Going in stages, letting him out of the cell with an escort, and then the floor and then finally he's allowed to go topside on the Helicarrier. There's a gym and Steve finds him and Natasha there most days when there are no missions. He watches them train and wonders if things have changed too much. He knows wolves mate for life and everything suggested that werewolves followed the same pattern, but this is a whole new life. Maybe being his friend will have to be enough this time around.

It's after a round of sparring one day that they finally talk. Natasha leaves first, shooting Steve a knowing smile as she slips out. Bucky takes his time unwrapping his hands.

“I don't remember you being such a lurker,” Bucky finally says, glancing at Steve over his shoulder.

“I didn't want to intrude. I know your memories-”

“I remember you,” he interrupts. He rolls his shoulders carefully. “I remember us. That's what you're wondering, right?” He turns to face him and Steve can see the edge in his eyes. He's not sure if it's the wolf or the Winter Soldier. He takes a step towards Steve, and another one, stalking towards him until he's in Steve's space. Steve doesn't back down, refusing to give into the fear. “So now what?”

“That depends.” Steve keeps his hands to himself. “On what you want.”

“Always so damn noble.” He rests his hand on Steve's arm. “We'll go slow. Give me time to figure it out?”

Steve smiles, just grateful at the chance. “Okay.”

Bucky still has months before Fury is ready to agree to let him out. Steve struggles to be just his friend, and he can see sometimes that it's a struggle for Bucky as well as they grow closer.

-

He sits on the bed beside Bucky as he prepares to leave the cell that's been his for months now. He's been allowed to wander around the Helicarrier with an escort but the real world has remained a strange, alien place that he last saw through the eyes of a man programmed to hate everything American. Fury's decided he's served his sentence and he's being allowed back out into the world. 

Steve takes his hand and curls their fingers together and waits for Bucky to push him away, tell him not anymore. Instead Bucky's hand tightens and he whispers so the cameras can't hear that he's terrified. “I want to shift Steve, let me do that.”

Steve presses a kiss to the back of Bucky's hand, not caring who sees or understands. “This will be easier if you're human.” Bucky's met everyone on the team and is even starting to get used to whatever it is about Bruce that sets him on edge. But it's a new place; in a city he hasn't set foot in in years. Nothing can go wrong or else SHIELD will throw him right back into this room.

“I know.” He hesitates before looking up at Steve. “I dreamt about kissing you.”

“Real kisses or when you lick my face and I smell like dog for hours?”

Bucky nudges him with a shoulder. “Punk.”

“Jerk.”

Bucky leans over and they're kissing. Steve doesn't need any more encouragement to wrap his arms around his waist, pulling him into his lap and holding him close as the kiss deepens. It doesn't matter that there are still agents monitoring the cell. Steve brushes his cheek, smiling against his lips.

“Ready?”

“As I'll ever be.”

Fury is still worried about the next moon and how Bucky will handle being out in the city when it happens. So Steve takes him north, Tony lets them use his house on Lake Erie. Bucky wants to spend the time leading up the moon as a wolf, wants to minimize his pain.

Steve convinces him to be human and the first day they barely leave the bed. The war has started to feel like 70 years ago and some of it like little more then a dream. With Bucky back, it all starts to feel real again. _He_ starts to feel real.

-

It takes longer still for Bucky to integrate into the team. Steve knows he feels useless with Natasha and Clint there. The assassin and the sniper. Bucky watches them train and sees no room for himself. He tries, sliding in alongside Natasha and Steve as one more force on the ground. Tony makes a new arm for him that functions better then the old one. It's even supposed to be able to change with him. There are obvious flaws but Bucky wears it, continues wearing it. Steve thinks this could work.

He thinks Bucky might be starting to believe it too. 

The first time they're called to assemble and Bucky's with them it's against what is supposed to be a simple threat. Some mole men showing up outside Toronto. It stay simple too until the land slides out from under Steve's feet and he's faced with a very dark, very deep hole and a swarm of mole men at the bottom more than eager to tear him apart.

He barely has time to yell, his mind going blank as he's falling, acting on instincts. He barely catches the edge with his fingers. He can already feel that start to crumble but the shield is getting in the way of getting purchase with his other hand. The edge cuts into the dirt whenever he lifts his hand and only makes things worse. Above him he can see Thor and Iron Man trying to contain the edges of the hoard of mole men, driving them back into the pit Steve is hanging from. Steve knows they won't be able to get back to him in time and what they're doing is more important anyway. 

Teeth dig into his wrist and the sudden pain makes him let go but the teeth stay in and slowly, agonizingly slowly, he's pulled up. The ground crumbles away faster but he has his other hand up now and then a knee and he's running beside Bucky as the last edges of the pit crumble away.

He drops to his knees to catch his breath, forcing away the adrenaline so he can focus, figure out what his next step should be.

Bucky licks his wrist apologetically and Steve takes a moment to murmur thank you before urging him to get back into the fight. He finds a strip of fabric to quickly bind the injury and then he's following him in. It doesn't last much longer after Hulk drops into the pit and prevents anymore reinforcements from making it to the surface. Between the rest of them, they round up the survivors and drive them back underground.

Steve lets himself flop to the ground while SHIELD handles cleanup. The others migrate towards him, all looking just as tired and dirty as he feels. Tony is complaining about dirt in his joints until Natasha threatens to douse him with water.

It's Clint who flops down beside him and notices his wrist. With the adrenaline of the fight, Steve had forgotten completely. It had bled through his impromptu bandage and Natasha was already calling over a medic.

“What happened, Cap?” Clint asks, carefully unwinding the bandage and getting the glove and sleeve out of the way.

“Those appear to be teeth marks,” Thor says and all eyes move to Bucky who's sitting to Steve's other side. Bucky immediately tenses, growling low in his throat. Steve catches his fur before he can run.

“Damnit Rogers,” Tony snaps. “We told you to be careful with-”

“If you finish that sentence, Stark I will let go,” Steve glares at him and Tony throws up his hands in defeat. “Get some bandages and let's go. He dragged me out of that pit.”

“You're kidding right? Steve, no offense to Bucky and I get he saved your life, but he bit you,” Clint steamrolls over both of their glares. “You can't just ignore that.” The medic is hovering outside their little circle and Bruce helps him out by just taking the bandages and passing them to Clint.

“Wolves are fierce warriors,” Thor says thoughtfully and Bucky perks up, bumping Steve's shoulder as if to tell him to pay attention. “I see no harm in this.”

“The public will if it comes out. Just because lycans aren't shot anymore doesn't mean they're treated fairly. And we've already hidden what Bucky is,” Clint argues.

“Not to mention we don't know how it will interfere with the serum,” Bruce says. There's a long agonized groan and Steve feels a hand close over his shoulder. For a moment, Bucky rests his head on Steve, forcing away the pain. Everyone waits, except Natasha who yanks Thor's cape free and tosses it over Bucky's shoulders so he's not naked.

“Just tell them Steve,” he grumbles, still shaking but he doesn't looks like he's going to fall over. “It's not like it's some big damn secret.”

“Tell. Us. What.” Tony says stiffly. “I like to think that at least myself, with the big house and friendly AI would have noticed you turning into a great big mon- wolf once a month.'

“Nice catch,” Natasha says. Bucky just snarls.

“I'm immune, they think it's from a latent gene,” Steve answers. He doesn't like talking about it; he doesn't like talking about anything special he can do. It only ever seems to make people see him as a lab rat. Someone to draw blood from and poke and prod until they get all the answers they want. Bucky's hand tightens on his shoulder, the metal arm is gone again, forced off by shifting bones.

“How do you know?” Clint asks.

“I bit him before,” Bucky speaks up. “After I first got turned. That was shortly before the anti-virus.”

Bruce and Tony both understand first and Bruce looks sickened. Clint holds up a hand, his palm now stained with Steve's blood. “I'm missing something.”

“They used Steve. They must have...”

“They drew blood the second they realized I wasn't going to turn. Wash your hands Clint.” He stands and storms away to the Quinjet. He hates this conversation, hates how meaningless it makes him feel. Just the vessel carrying around blood coveted by everyone. Bucky catches up to him, still wrapped up in Thor's cape.

“They didn't mean anything bad, they were worried.” His hand catches Steve's elbow, bringing him to a halt. “I mean it, I could smell it on them.” Steve can feel Bucky's own worry, scratching at the back of his mind. It's been awhile since he's sensed anything from Bucky. It was Falsworth who first said they were mates, and explained what that meant. It would never be the same as two full werewolves but Steve's latent gene meant he could get impressions. He never realized how much he relied on that extra little awareness of Bucky until now with it coming back.

“I know...” He rubs tiredly at his eyes. “That wasn't very responsible of me.”

“Hey, you being a brat means you see them as more then just a team.”

Steve pauses a moment, he'd forgotten what it was like to be read so easily. “You need pants,” he says hurriedly.

“Don't change the subject.” They don't kiss, they're still on the field, still Captain America and Sergeant Barnes and kissing wouldn't be appropriate. But they're in each others space. Bucky pats his shoulder one last time and it's good enough.

Steve looks back to his team, talking to each other and, with his arm over Bucky's shoulder, he goes back to apologize for his behavior. They deserve better from their team leader but they forgive him. Tony shrugs and says it's his first time, free pass. Steve thinks this group has become something more then a team.

-

It becomes the unstated status quo that Bucky fights with them as a wolf. It saves Natasha from having to shift since she prefers her wrist guards as weapons anyway. Bucky ends up staying as a wolf more and more, it's easier for him. The pain never really goes away so he stays as a wolf longer and longer and everyone adjusts to it. The rest of the Avengers start understanding Bucky's little cues and Steve reluctantly becomes used to sleeping with a face full of fur.

Tony tries to build him an arm that can adapt to either form but most of the time Bucky deals without it. The joint changes are too awkward for it to be comfortable as human and wolf. Just one more reason to keep him in wolf form where he still has three useable legs instead of human where he's stuck with just one arm.

Some nights it gets to him and he pleads with Bucky to shift back. He holds Bucky through the shift and kisses his lips and neck and shoulders, runs his hands over human skin. Bucky sighs and stretches underneath him. Steve mouths thank you against his stomach.

He loves Bucky but if he can't have him, he doesn't know how long he can put up with it. He looks at Bucky and feels guilty for wanting to make him be something else, even if that something else is part of Bucky. Just a part he suppresses now. Unintentionally, Steve withdraws from Bucky when he's a wolf. He's not even sure if Bucky notices, he goes out to the roof with Clint and climbs over the Hulk during breaks in training.

More and more Steve feels like he's on the outside looking in.

He's almost surprised the night he finds Bucky in his bed. As a human. For a long time he just stares until Bucky starts to shift uncomfortably and Steve can see the hints of the change starting.

“Stop,” he whispers. “I just wasn't expecting...” He climbs onto the bed and kisses Bucky. “Missed you.”

Bucky smiles softly. “I'm right here, idiot.”

“Right now you are.”

“Just say what the hell is on your mind, Steve?” Bucky withdraws.

“I love you Bucky.”

“But.”

Steve flops onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. “You're...you avoid being human. Completely avoid it, I know it hurts, I see that. Damnit Bucky, I can feel it now. It's not. I don't know. I'm sorry.” He looks over at Bucky who is still sitting up and isn't quite looking back.

“I didn't fucking chose this, Steve,” Bucky's hand curls into a fist. “I didn't want this! And I'm just trying to make it work.” He pushes away from the bed, and Steve twists, trying to get a hold of him but Bucky jerks his hand away. “Don't you get it? I'm not a supersoldier like you. But this? I can fucking do something.”

“I _know_ , Bucky.”

“Then what do you want? I'm trying!”

“I want to kiss you when I want, without having to beg for you to be human.”

Bucky purses his lips. “I'm sorry, Steve. I...maybe we shouldn't have gotten back into this so soon.” He's gone before Steve has a chance to reply.

When Steve sees Bucky next, he's a wolf, for the rest of the day and next day and the one after that. Everyone's started to notice that Bucky is avoiding Steve and Steve isn't making much effort to close the distance between them. The call to assemble is given and they can't find a way to close it and work together with their usual efficiency. 

Nothing on the mission goes right. It all culminates when a bullet ricochets off of Steve's shield through Bucky and everything comes down to keeping him safe until the bad guys are taken care of. It feels like the War all over again, with Bucky down and nothing to do but continue fighting.

Bucky snaps at him when he finally approaches and Steve refuses to let himself believe it's personal. Bucky is in pain. No more, no less.

Steve tangles his hand in the thick fur, feeling the labored breathing under his hand. He knows what he's asking. He knows Bucky is already in pain and he now wants Bucky to willingly take on more. But his instincts were getting in the way of help getting to him. 

“Come on, Buck,” he urges. Bucky howls and it tears up Steve inside but the howl becomes a human cry of pain and Steve's hand is now resting on bare skin. Medics come rushing in, now that they can. Steve wants to stay but he knows he'll just be in the way, so he lets Natasha and Clint gently pull him back. Bucky's unconscious from the pain so he at least isn't able to panic further when Steve lets go.

He hears Tony's voice telling him Bucky will be ok now, he can be fixed now.

They all wait in Medical while the doctors stitch Bucky up. Steve doesn't know how they do it, how they can stitch up a hole like that. As long as he gets Bucky back he doesn't particularly care.

When they finally let them in, hours later and the doctors look just as tired as the team feels, Steve goes in first. Steve always goes in first. Even when human, Bucky reacts on instinct when hurt, moreso recently since he's started to prefer his wolf form. Steve touches the bandages and Bucky is so sedated he doesn't even flinch. He can hear the others talking to the doctors, and half listens to the doctors explain everything they just did, all the damage they encountered. They don't like to estimate how long Bucky's going to take to heal, he always tries to do it in less time to prove them wrong.

Natasha comes in next and rests a hand on Steve's shoulder. “He'll make a complete recovery.”

“I heard.”

“Go shower Steve, I'll be here.”

He glances up at her and then down at himself. There's still blood on him. The uniform will have to be destroyed, SHIELD is very adamant about that since more then half the team has blood as dangerous as any weapon. “I'll be here,” she repeats.

Steve nods and lets her pull him up and nudge him towards the door. He walks out past the other Avengers and Clint falls into step beside him, thankfully quiet. In the shower, Steve watches the blood and grime all swirl down the drain at his feet, tries to soap it away as best as possible, scrubbing until his skin turns red. Clint walks with him back to Bucky's room where Natasha is waiting just like she said she'd be. She and Clint switch places and Natasha does one more check over Bucky, making sure he's really alright before leaving to take a shower herself.

The sedative is already starting to wear off so when Steve touches his cheek he turns into it. If Bucky was awake he wouldn't even try but if this is the last time he gets the chance to touch Bucky, he's going to take it.

Tony shows up in the door and he's out of the suit and into jeans and a t-shirt. “Want me to debrief with Fury?”

“No, it's fine, I can go.” Steve touches Bucky's lips one last time before standing. There's a soft burst of air over his fingers. 

“Well Coulson's getting on my ass about shirking responsibility-”

“We can go together,” Steve suggests. Tony grins and Steve can sense the slight relief coming off of him. As much as he loves Bucky, needs him to be safe, he needs to care for all of them. He has to be their leader before he can carry Bucky home and they can fix what's wrong.

Bucky's awake when they get back, already flirting with the nurses to try and get out early. Steve stands in the doorway and watches until the nurse leaves.

“Hi,” Bucky says softly.

“Hi.”

“Come in, staring at you like this is straining my neck.” Steve smiles apologetically and takes his seat back in the chair by Bucky's bed. “I'm an ass.”

“I'm not going to argue that.”

Bucky reaches out and Steve takes his hand, entwines their fingers. “Why do you put up with me?”

Steve risks sitting on the edge of the bed, moving closer to Bucky and Bucky's small smile says he made the right move. “Because I love you. I need you, James Barnes.”

“Oh god, if you ask me to marry you...” He gives Steve a small smile but it's good enough.

“You know, we can these days.” Steve leans down to rest his forehead against Bucky's and it feels good, to be in his space. Bucky's smile widens and his eyes slip closed. So close, Steve can see the pain in the tightness around his eyes and mouth.

“Can we start over Steve?”

Steve lets out a breath and whispers yes.

It's three days before Medical releases Bucky to keep him from shifting and ruining all their hard work in keeping him alive. Bucky grins smugly at Steve after the doctor reluctantly gives him permission to leave. It's is ruined slightly by the hand he presses to his side where his guts are still attempting to spill out. He's wearing the metal arm to facilitate getting out of Medical quickly but from the way he keeps rolling his shoulder it doesn't seem to fit right.

“You should stay,” Steve says firmly.

“Hate hospitals. And small rooms,” he's gritting his teeth against the pain. “Feel better outside.”

“The Tower isn't outside.”

“Tower has windows.” He holds out his arm and Steve grudgingly helps him to his feet. Bucky steals a quick kiss. “I just need you, and our bed and I'll be fine.” Steve sighs and relents, slipping his arm around Bucky's waist and helping him out. He knows if he made it an order for Bucky to stay, he'd do it. The doctors all say it's a combination of his own latent genes and size and position as team leader, but Steve is fairly sure without all that Bucky would recognize him as an alpha anyway. So he could order him but it feels like some kind of betrayal to do that to Bucky. Steve has to show him he trusts him, and part of that is trusting him 

Steve's hand strays to the four deep scars on Bucky's back, starting at the base of his neck and extending left a good few inches. They'll never heal and never fade, not like his newest injury. Bucky always twitches when he touches them but he doesn't stop Steve, understanding his need to feel them healed.

Bucky passes out on the way back, head heavy on Steve's shoulder in the backseat of the cab and he doesn't wake up until Steve is carrying him to bed. He stretches leisurely on the sheets, making sure the sun falls across him. Steve kisses his cheek and murmurs he'll be right back, sparing one last glance at his partner before ducking out to the kitchen for a snack.

Natasha is there and catches his attention when she notices him. “How is he?”

“Asleep now.” She kicks out a chair at the table for him and he gratefully sinks into it and he feels all the exhaustion he's been forcing away rear its head. “The last time I heard him scream like that was when he was bit.”

“You could give in and let him shift. He will heal faster as a wolf.”

Steve's head shoots up but he sees in her expression how much she doesn't like that idea either. “If he decides to shift there isn't much I can do about it.”

She looks down at her coffee cup and swirls it around as she speaks. “Yes there is.”

“No.”

“You can't rule it out Steve,” she snaps and he sinks into the chair, feeling guilty now. He forgets sometimes how close she and Bucky are. “If he shifts before he's back to full strength? Or reopens the internal damage? He could die.” Her voice gives away nothing but her hands clench the coffee cup, knuckles white with tension. “I'll do it, just keep me informed.”

“Natasha,” he covers her hands with his. “I was going to keep you informed anyway. I thought we could tag team him if he decided to be stubborn.”

She chuckles. “Alright, deal. Now go get some sleep yourself.” He kisses her cheek before leaving and going to check on the rest of the team.

When he comes back, Bucky's still asleep, sprawled out over the top of the covers. There are already dots of red on the bandage but nothing serious enough to warrant waking Bucky and changing it. Instead, Steve slips carefully onto the bed next to him.

Within a few days Bucky's stalking around the Tower, alternating between whining about being fine and snapping at anyone who got too close except Natasha and Steve. “Just let me shift. I'll heal faster,” he whines at Steve during breakfast. 

“By making it worse first,” Natasha says coolly as she prepares her own breakfast. Steve shoots her a grateful smile for saying it instead of him.

“But-”

“Stop being a baby.”

Bucky curses at her in Russian and she leans over and kisses him on the cheek. “You can only dream that I'd let you do all that to me. Or that you'd be able to.” Bucky sticks his tongue out at her and buries his head in his hands. Natasha shoots Steve a look over Bucky's head and he knows what she's thinking. 

“If you pop your stitches again, the doctors will all violate their Hippocratic Oath and kill you themselves,” Steve says. Bucky doesn't have an answer. Steve's right and he knows it. Recently, he's gotten better about it but only as long as someone keeps an eye on him. Steve runs his fingers through his hair, scritching the back of his neck.

“Stop that,” he grumbles but he stretches into Steve's hand so Steve knows he isn't really upset.

Clint stumbles into the kitchen next and does a double take at the three of them. “Damn you must have been hurt bad.”

“What does that mean?” Bucky glares at him and Clint immediately throws up his hands in defense.

“Nothing, just you never stay human this long.”

Bucky doesn't have a ready response and Steve can't quite meet his eyes when Bucky looks at him in askance.

“The guy's got a point,” Tony gives him his answer though, joining them in the kitchen. “Do I smell bacon?” He beelines to Natasha who is just removing the pan from the stove top, hovering over her shoulder.

“I killed a man with bacon once,” she says thoughtfully. “Choked him with it.”

“Way to ruin a guy's appetite,” Tony sighs and goes to the coffeepot instead. Clint already has a second mug pulled down for him.

“Can I have some bacon?” Bucky asks hopefully, already reaching for it. She smacks his hand with the spatula. “What the hell?! No one is letting me shift and now I can't even have a piece of damned bacon?”

“Stop whining,” Natasha says with a slight smile, obviously enjoying his frustration. Bucky growls, which is less intimidating without a mouth of sharp teeth to back it up. She just arches an eyebrow at him and offers Steve a slice. He takes two and gives one to Bucky.

For once, they have a few quiet days during which Bucky lets himself heal but Steve can see the growing twitchiness in him. He hates it, feels like he isn't enough anymore for Bucky to want to stay human. They lie in bed, Bucky pressed against his side, his hand over Steve's heart, lightly scratching the skin. Steve keeps his arms around Bucky, trying to show him that he's safe and protected. “I love you Buck.”

“I know. Love you too.” 

He takes a deep breath before continuing. “You don't need to be a wolf all the time.”

“Steve...” he sighs but Steve tightens his arm before he can roll away. 

“I know you don't agree, but I just want you to know it's true.”

Bucky doesn't say anything else. There are more missions more injuries and Bucky tries, Steve sees that and he knows he can't ask for anything else. 

-

SHIELD finds out about the HYDRA base in upstate New York almost accidentally. There was a spike in the power usage in the area and somehow that information got forwarded up and up and up until someone in SHIELD notices. Some field agent gets charged with checking it out and two days later the Avengers are sent in. Most of the base was destroyed by the time they got there, so they don't have much more to do then clean up.

With the workers all gone, Bucky, Clint and Steve poke around some of the physical prototypes of what they wee building in the lab while Tony and Natasha hack their systems. Bruce is around as well but he's not poking so much as observing, being a good scientist.

It's Clint who picks up the device. Bucky wanders closer to see what it is, drawn by its gun-like shape. Steve warns him to be careful and goes to check on Tony and Natasha, assuming Bruce will keep them from doing anything too stupid. He's only with Tony and Natasha a minute when he hears the yell. Clint's voice comes over the comm system, frantically asking for Steve to get back right away.

Bruce overrides him after a second, he sounds much more in control then Clint does but there's still a nervous edge to his voice. “Captain, you're needed immediately.”

“What's happened?” He's already running, making sure his shield is loose and ready. Natasha is on his heels.

“Sergeant Barnes has...”

“I'm really sorry Cap,” Clint cuts in, sounding agonized. By then Steve's in the main lab where they are but it's too late. Steve hears snarling and he barely gets the shield up in time as Bucky comes launching at him. He hears the scrape of claws on the metal and he pushes up, sending Bucky flying. He yowls and lands with a dull thud but is immediately back on his feet. He doesn't seem to be injured by the fall. Even worse, he doesn’t seem to recognize Steve.

“As I was saying, he's gone feral,” Bruce whispers into the comms. “Something in the device.” Bucky's head snaps around and he snarls at Bruce. Steve throws the shield at the floor by Bucky's feet to bring his attention back to him. It works. It works maybe too well.

Steve's never had to face Bucky at full force before and he's never had Bucky lunge at his throat before. His shield falls to the side, forgotten as he struggles to hold Bucky back and keep him from biting him. The infection might not hold, but getting his jugular ripped out would be permanent.

He hears another low growl and Bucky jerks away, scrambling to get to all fours. Natasha has shifted, stealing Bucky's attention. They circle each other slowly, teeth bared and Steve takes the chance to scramble away. Natasha should be able to hold him off for the moment until he could hopefully be subdued.

“What did you do?” He hisses at Clint. He gingerly holds up the device he and Bucky had been looking at.

“Hey Cap?” Tony's voice comes in. “I'm looking at their logs. They were experimenting with lycan DNA.”

Steve rolls his eyes. “Thanks, Tony. Can you find anything about a gun-like device which might enhance a wolf?”

“What the hell is going on over there?”

“Later, just find something.”

Tony grumbles but at least stops arguing and Steve can focus on the situation. Natasha and Bucky still haven't done more then snap at each other and Natasha has keep him away form the three of them so Steve has a moment to collect himself. 

“Maybe if I shoot him again?” Clint suggests.

“Stop playing with things,” Tony snaps.

There's a yelp. Natasha's taken advantage of Bucky missing a leg, thrown him to his back and tried to pin him down. Except Bucky is still larger and used to fighting with raw strength. He also isn't holding back and throws her off, leaving a long wicked looking scratch in her side. She makes no noise and throws herself back into the fight.

“Quickly, someone,” Steve orders. He wasn't losing two members of his team so he throws himself back into it, getting a handful of Bucky's fur and yanking him off of her. He howls, and tries to twist around to bite at Steve so Steve throws him to get him away from Natasha. Steve makes sure to stay between them but he doesn't anticipate Bucky ending up near Bruce. Consciously, Bucky has no problem with Bruce or the Hulk but in whatever state he's in now, he panics.

Bucky launches himself through a window and outside. Steve is immediately after him but panicked, Bucky is faster. He disappears into the woods around the warehouse.

“Fuck.”

Tony makes a choked noise. “Was that you Cap?”

“Bucky's...” Natasha leaps past him and takes off after Bucky, despite the obvious pain she's in. “Widow!” He yells after her but Clint catches his arm.

“Let her, she's the only one who can.”

Steve purses his lips. “Tony, I need a solution, now.”

“Well, I only just found the files on the device so you'll have to give me like five more minutes.”

Steve punches the wall. “Someone tell me. What just happened?”

“Looks like,” Tony says. “Ok, looks like they were experimenting with feral lycans. Or driving them feral? Like a crazy army of...well crazy with teeth. Oh wait, no. I got it. It's an auditory signal...oh fuck. Oh _fuck_.”

Bruce smiles apologetically as if it's his fault for Tony. “Focus, Tony.”

“Sorry. They were developing a way to deploy it somewhere big. Maybe a mall.” Tony continues, there's an edge of panic in his voice. Clint curses softly. Bruce pinches the bridge of his nose with is close enough for him. “It wouldn't matter how few the number of lycans there are then. It'd take just one or two kids who only shift on the moon and then wham massacre. No one knows a crazy lycan isn't to blame and HYDRA gets to laugh manically all the way to the metaphorical bank.”

Steve looks out through the window Bucky and Natasha had disappeared through. Neither can report anything while in wolf form, all he can hope is that neither lost their comms and will be able to report back. “Hawkeye, bring Tony the device, figure out the effects. How long it's supposed to last if they know, or if we have to reverse it manually.” Clint nods and practically runs off, eager to be doing something at last. “We need to find them.”

“Where do we start?” Bruce asks.

“Coulson. I know you're listening.”

“We've been tracking Agent Romanoff and we think we have Sergeant Barnes.”

Steve looks at Bruce. “I'm sorry.”

“No, I know, it's alright.” He pulls off his shirt preemptively. “What do you need?”

“I need the Other Guy to cut them off. Bucky doesn't like you, he'll divert, maybe even go backwards and we can corner him. If he does attacked you, he can't change you” They're already moving outside as Steve lays out his plan. Once they're free of the building, Bruce takes a deep breath and it's the Hulk beside him. Coulson feeds Steve the coordinates and he simplifies them for the Hulk. “Go. North. Go get our friend.”

Hulk gives him a somber nod and leaps. Steve sets the shield on his back and chases after. It's easier to track them through the woods then he expected. Neither were trying hard to mask their path and there's a trail of broken trees to follow.

“Captain, we have a problem,” Coulson's voice comes back in. Distantly, Steve can hear Hulk's roar. “They're headed towards what looks like a farmhouse. It's inhabited.” Steve makes himself run faster. He rarely pushes himself this hard, except for tests or on bad days. His lungs burn but he keeps running. He almost trips himself when he breaks out of the woods and is suddenly in someone's backyard with Bruce and Natasha and a human Bucky.

Steve approaches carefully. They're gathered around something and it only takes him a few steps to realize the thing is a person.

“Coulson, we need you here now,” he hisses into the comm and takes it off before he can hear Coulson's confirmation. He pushes back the cowl as he crouches next to Bruce. It's a young woman, she couldn't be older then 16. She's curled up on herself, arms tight around her stomach. Bucky's on her other side, head in his hands. Natasha's gripping her ribs and he can see the blood seeping through her fingers. He tears off a sleeve without thinking twice and giving it to her. She gives him a matter of fact nod and secures it around the injury. With his own team seen to, he looks to the girl. “Talk to me.”

“Bucky scratched her,” Bruce answers. “I...the Other Guy got here and she was already...”

“I fucking scratched her Steve.” Bucky tears his hands through his hair and he still isn't looking up. If he says anything else, it's lost under the sound of the Quinjet finally flying into place over them. As soon as it's landed, Coulson jumps out. He's got changes of clothes for Natasha, Bucky, and Bruce and first aid to any of them who need it.

There's a medic with Coulson and between him and Bruce, they get the woman on her back. She's shaking now as the infection spreads. There's nothing for Steve to do but step back and let them work. He exchanges a look with Natasha and she goes to Bucky so Steve can talk to Coulson.

“Tony and Clint are still at the HYDRA base,” Coulson says softly. “Thankfully, we don't need a way to counter the effects for Sergeant Barnes. All their research will be gathered and brought in to study in depth to make sure an attack like this can't be pulled off.”

“Do we know if any devices are already out there?”

The medic gives her the anti-virus. A little bit of him in a vial. Steve's never seen it in action before. Her shaking gets worse but no one seems overly concerned so he can only assume that's normal.

“We don't,” Coulson says. “But we can find a way to detect them. We can likely assume that if they did take any, they only have one or two. We interrupted them early on.”

“Who were they testing on?”

“What?”

Steve rounds on him. “They knew the effect of that thing. So how? There were no cages there.”

“There must be another site.” Coulson nods sharply, accepting Steve's logic. He presses one hand to his ear. “I need a broad sweep for any other possible HYDRA sites where...” He trails off, staring at something on the girl.

“You won't get anything from me,” she grits out through her pain.

“Check her for cyanide,” Coulson orders the medic. With Bruce's help he gets her pinned and her mouth open, finding a small capsule in place of a tooth.

“Dr. Banner,” Coulson says when they're done, “I have an odd favor to ask.”

Bruce looks back and forth between them and then slowly stands. “Agent?”

“It's rather crude but I believe we need the Big Guy. And for him to jump.”

Bruce gives him a look of horror and then looks at Steve who nods slowly. “Do it.” He looks at the medic, but blanks on the man's name, Coulson picks up the slack though and orders him to move the girl into the Quinjet. Steve goes to Bucky and Natasha, not waiting to explain to scoop Natasha up and drag Bucky to his feet.

“What the-”

He gets them back towards the tree line, just in case Coulson is right. They still have no idea how big the complex might be. He sets Natasha down carefully before she stabs him for being manhandled. “Listen, Buck.” He grips Bucky's arm tightly as he sees Bruce change completely into the Other Guy out of the corner of his eye. “Bucky, look at me.”

“No, Steve I-”

“Shut up Sergeant, that's an order.” Bucky's looking at him in shock but at least he's looking at him. “The girl is fine. The medic gave her the anti-virus. I need you to focus now.”

Bucky takes a slowly breath and Steve thinks he might just fall apart all over again, but Bucky's a soldier and whether it's that or some werewolf instinct, he's obeying and it's enough for now. “Ok.” He breaths. “Ok,” he repeats a moment later, louder, sounding more collected.

The ground has already started to shake underneath them. “We don't know if this is actually the spot, or what's down there. But we saw that device already forced you to shift before. I want to be preemptive this time.”

“You want me to shift? Into the beast that just tried to kill you?”

“No Sergeant, I'm ordering you to shift into the form you know you can control.”

Bucky's eyes widen but it's an order. Another shake and their feet fall out from under them. Hulk makes a loud triumphant noise as he goes crashing through dirt and reinforced ceilings and concrete and the rest of the land around him follows him down into a widening hole. When Steve gets to his feet again, both Natasha and Bucky are wolves again and they're right behind Steve as he launches himself down after the Hulk.

There are three levels of HYDRA waiting for them. It's on the bottom one that they find the cages. Four of them full and a fifth empty one. Nothing sets off Bucky or Natasha but Steve expects the sight of the cages to set him off. He destroys each lock with a swipe of his claws. 

They're young, in their teens mostly. Bruce says it's so they can handle being forced into feral frenzies repeatedly. Steve doesn't want to know how many haven't survived. SHIELD brings them all in to make sure they haven't been permanently hurt. He promises they'll get the best care, physical and mental. One of them, a scrawny teenager is too weak to even stand and Bucky shifts back to human form to help him up.

Steve has to go clear out the remnants of HYDRA soldiers and scientists hiding out all over the compound. Natasha joins him and the two work together silently and efficiently. Her side obviously hurts but she says nothing and Steve trusts her to know her limits.

Everyone is topside when Steve and Natasha finish up. They're both exhausted, Natasha moreso, and they collapse gratefully into seats in the back of the jet. Tony and Clint have been picked up and Tony is still excited over everything and babbling to himself. 

The kids are there, all four of them huddled up. Bucky is seated next to them, the one he carried still has his head on Bucky's shoulder and Steve can see his mouth move but not even his enhanced hearing can pick his words up. He's finally relaxed though and Steve sees no reason to interrupt.

-

Steve finds Bucky in the gym at SHIELD, focusing with a quiet rage on the punching bag. The metal arm is back on, balancing him out and allowing him to throw punches with both hands.

“She's fine,” Steve says, taking a seat on another piece of equipment facing Bucky. “Well, as fine as a HYDRA agent can be with a hole in her stomach.”

“Heard she had a tattoo or something that clued Coulson in,” Bucky grunts between each thud of flesh against the bag. 

“That's right.”

Bucky keeps up his steady rhythm and Steve lets him, knows he needs it. Finally his hands reach out and still the bag. His head falls against it. Steve watches and waits, sees his fingers digging into the cloth, the nails of his right hand slowly extending out into claws. “They were kids,” he whispers. “They were fucking kids.”

“I know and you saved them.”

Bucky gives a sharp, harsh laugh. “Don't Steve. The Hulk fucking broke in. And Coulson figured it out. What did I do? Growl at some people? Attack all of you? Maybe I shouldn't even be on-” Steve is up on his feet and claps his hand over Bucky's hand before he can finish.

“No, don't you dare Buck.” He slides his hand into the hair at the back of his head, gripping tightly. “You're a part of this team.”

“I tried to rip your throat out Steve. I clawed Natasha. And that girl...” 

“That girl will be fine, Natasha will be fine, I _am_ fine.” He pulls Bucky against him, holding him close until Bucky rests his head on Steve's shoulder. There's a fine tremor running through him, underneath the tense muscles. He's barely holding himself together and if he continues like this he's going to shatter. It's just a matter of time. Steve doesn't know if he'd be able to put him back together a third time. “You didn't, Buck. Everyone came out alright,” he whispers. Everyone except Bucky, but he doesn't say that.

He's not used to holding Bucky like this, when he has two arms and he's human and Steve can tug his head back gently to kiss the tip of his nose. The corners of Bucky's lips try to pull up in a smile despite all his efforts to continue frowning.

“Steve-”

“I thought I'd lost you when we found you on the ground. Thought that was it, you were dead.” He buries his face in Bucky's hair. He smells like sweat and something spicy which meant he'd stolen Natasha's soap again. “Spent two nights sitting in the hospital tent waiting for the infection to pass.”

“And three days later I bit you in the shoulder and almost took off your damn arm.”

“Give me some credit, I can protect myself.”

Bucky snorts softly and before Steve can argue his point someone clears their throat by the door. In a sign of how worn down Bucky is, he doesn't even lift his head. Steve glances over to see the young man from the lab, looking much healthier. He blushes when he sees them together. “Can we help you?” Steve asks, trying to sound calm and patient since the kid looks ready to bolt.

“Um told I could find Mr. Sergeant Barnes here. Sir.”

Bucky makes a noise of reluctance and peels away from Steve. His hand stays tangled in Steve's shirt to keep him grounded. “It was Eli, right?”

“Yessir. Eli Bradley” Eli shuffles uncomfortably for a minute. “I didn't mean to interrupt or anything I just wanted to say thanks,” he says quickly. “For uh carrying me out of there I guess.”

Bucky's whole posture softens and he takes a few steps away from Steve. “It's the least I could do. SHIELD taking good care of you? And no more sirs.”

“They are! Real good. My family got to come see me the other day.” His face lights up at the mention of his family. “Still got a long way to go though.”

“I know how it is. Have you ever boxed before?” Bucky holds out some of the extra wraps when the kid nods and finally takes the few steps to enter the gym. Steve smiles and takes a few steps back, letting them have center stage. Bucky goes easy on him, even Eli can tell and starts teasing Bucky, egging him on. Bucky starts to relax, even laugh a little. 

Eli's still not back to full health and it shows so Bucky draws the sparring session to a close shortly and makes him sit down and drink some water. Bucky settles beside Steve.

“I heard one of the nurses say you've always been a lycan,” Eli says after a moment, staring down at his feet.

“Nah.” Bucky pulls off his shirt and twists so Eli can see the scars. “Since the war. The nurses here only know me as a wolf.” Steve's hand drifts to the scars when Bucky sits back down.

“Did it hurt?”

“More then you can imagine,” Bucky looks at him thoughtfully. “You weren't scratched?”

“Born into it, from my grandpa. Lucky me.”

Bucky moves to kneel in front of Eli so he can look up at him. “You are lucky. You have power and strength and even more then that, you have control. I had to work my ass off to probably get a half of the control you have.”

“Which those assholes just took away from me!” Eli snaps and throws his water bottle hard.

Bucky flinches but doesn't back away. “And you'll get it back.”

“I want to keep those bastards from doing it to anyone else.” Eli's trying to stare Bucky down, as if Bucky needs to be convinced to let someone fight.

“Go shower,” Steve interrupts their staring contest. “Both of you. I'll talk to Fury.”

Eli's gaping at him and he sees something of Bucky and he sees something of himself in the kid. Steve wants to help him

Fury scowls a lot and grumbles about how he's not a damn rescue home for lycans and training kids is not SHIELD policy but Steve talks him into maybe giving the kid a shot. When Eli gets called into Fury's office and hears, he's obviously ecstatic. Bucky is charged with training him which he agrees to immediately and Steve thinks this is finally it. This is the niche that Bucky needs, something only he can do.

When Fury dismisses them and sends Eli back to Medical to be checked out, with the implication that if he was good enough to be going a few round against Barnes, he could probably go home, Steve corners Bucky, kissing him slowly. Bucky sighs into the kiss, letting Steve back him up against a wall, pin him there as he deepens the kiss.

Bucky's smiling against his lips as the kiss ends. “What was that for?”

“I love you.”

“So you pinned me to a wall outside Fury's office? You're lucky you can't be fired.”

Steve blushes and takes a step back. No one seems to be around to around watching them but now he's aware. He wraps an arm around Bucky's shoulders and they move away from the offices. “The full moon is coming up soon,” Steve says carefully. Bucky tenses, so soon to having his control ripped away by HYDRA's device, he's not ready for the moon but he can't avoid it. “Let's go to the mountains.”

“We were just in upstate New York. You saw how that ended.”

“We can ask where else Tony has a place for us to stay. You need a break.”

-

They end up back upstate, in the cabin Tony owns on Lake Erie. It's small by Tony's standards and private, no close neighbors who might call in a wolf running around Tony's property. Steve manages to talk Fury into giving them four days where they can only be contacted for emergencies. Fury's reluctant but Coulson steps in and gets a recommendation from the psychologists that James Barnes needs a break for mental health reasons. They get groceries on their way there so once they get to the house they don't need to leave again until they have to head back to the city.

Steve watches Bucky as he puts together dinner. It was like being young again, with no one but each other. Little things were different; they are not in tenement housing, with the dull white noise of the city on the other side of a too thin wall. The Stark house was two stories and linked to JARVIS, Bucky's cooking steaks for them, something they could never have afforded before. He's using the metal arm but once he's done, the thing is off again.

He's not surprised to find a stash of toys under the bed. Bucky laughs as he goes through it. He sits beside the bed, while Steve stretches out on top of it. He holds up a strap-on. “Think Pepper wears this?” Bucky says. “That's big. That's bigger then you, isn't it?”

“I think I don't want to think about what they do in bed.” Steve curls his hand in Bucky's hair, tugging gently.

Bucky laughs again but this time it's low and throaty and he crawls up, over Steve, the strap-on still in one hand. “You sure you don't want to compare? Or does Pepper having a dick bigger then yours threaten your masculinity?”

Steve flips them easily and the toy falls out of Bucky's hand. He grinds down against Bucky, chuckling at Bucky's choked moan. An arm wraps around Steve's shoulder but Steve shrugs it away and pulls back. He kisses Bucky when he notices the disappoint starting to creep into his face and quickly gets his shirt off. Bucky's shirt goes next and Steve trails kisses down his chest, taking his time. He darts a tongue over a nipple, grinning at Bucky's whimper.

He continues trailing kisses down, biting gently at his abdomen to distract Bucky as he works his pants open. Bucky's hips arch off the bed to help him, moaning loudly when Steve's lips wrap around the tip of his cock and sucks. He keeps Bucky focused on him, slowly taking more of him into his mouth. Steve takes the chance to reach for the toy. Getting it lubed up is a problem but Bucky's eyes are closed and his head is pressed back into the pillow.

When he presses the tip of the dildo to Bucky, his whole body jumps and he's reaching down to figure out what Steve is doing. His fingers close around the toy and throw it aside. Steve has to pull back, muffling his laughter against Bucky's thigh.

“You're fucking ridiculous,” Bucky says.

“You seemed to like it so much, thought you'd appreciate it.” He moves back up Bucky's body to kiss him again. He quickly gets his pants off without breaking the kiss, moaning at the slide of Bucky's hand over his skin.

He finds the lube Steve had set aside and his hand wraps around Steve's erection, moving in firm, steady strokes. Steve rocks forward into his grip, hands digging into the pillow on either side of Bucky's head. “Want you,” Bucky growls. 

“How?” 

Bucky lets go, wrapping his legs around Steve's waist and pulling closer. As if he needs encouragement. “Hard.”

“Hard?” Steve smirks as he slowly starts to push in. Bucky's fingers dig into Steve's shoulders.

“Hurry. Up.”

Bucky's tight around him, and Steve doesn't think he can go faster, not without hurting Bucky. Bucky keeps on thrusting against him, drawing him a little deeper each time until he's buried completely inside him. “Like that?” He murmurs, resting his forehead on Bucky's and clinging to this moment when there's no space between them and Bucky's so tight around him.

He starts to move slowly, wanting to drag this out. Bucky grips his hair, keeps Steve in his space and they settle into a rhythm together, moans slipping out between kisses. Bucky's quiet when he finally comes, eyes squeezed shut and nostrils flared. 

-

They sit outside and wait for sunset. Bucky cracked open Tony's liquor cabinet and they both drink more then they should. They'll probably have to pay Tony back for the bottle of scotch but watching Bucky lounging in nothing but sweatpants, flushed from alcohol is worth it. “You never did say how you managed to keep...what I am out of all the files.”

“I never had to do anything.” Steve shrugs.

“Liar. It wasn't added back then-”

“That was the Colonel.” Bucky's shocked look makes Steve laugh. He leans over to kiss him. “I'm serious. The Colonel knew he'd lose his best unit if Captain America's best friend was sent to the firing squad.”

Bucky moves to sit in his lap. “Guess he was right in the end.”

“I'm never going to live that down.”

“You crashed a plane into the Arctic.”

“I had-”

“No choice, I know,” Bucky murmurs. Steve buries his nose against Bucky's neck, sighing softly. His fingers gently run through Steve's hair, drawing him up into another slow, lazy kiss.

“Don't start anything you can't finish.” He cradles the back of Bucky's head. Bucky sighs and stands up, setting the glass aside.

“What about Fury? It's not in my SHIELD file.”

“Who knows why Fury does anything.” Steve gives another small shrug. Fury's reasons aren't his concern as long as Bucky is safe. Bucky rolls his shoulders and sighs softly. The sun is gone and there's always the pause, the break between the end of the day and the beginning of night, like everything is holding its breath. Bucky sheds his pants and Steve sees the edge of panic in his eyes. “It'll be fine.” Steve stands and steals one last kiss.

“You should...you should back up. Just in case.” Bucky hisses softly.

“No.”

Bucky's hand presses against his chest to push him back. Steve feels nails extend into claws and Bucky's hiss turn into a low growl. For a second, as Bucky drops to all fours, Steve half expects Bucky to launch at him. He remembers the snap of jaws so close to his throat but he pushes away the panic before Bucky can smell it.

There's still a flinch when Bucky looks up and Bucky cowers.

“Sorry,' Steve murmurs, he's never been able to figure out how much Bucky understood when he changed during the moon but Bucky jumps up, his front paw on Steve's shoulder. Steve buries his hands in Bucky's fur. Bucky licks his face and then jumps off the porch, almost pushing Steve over in his haste. He pauses on the lawn and looks back at him. Steve doesn't need any other encouragement to chase after.

He doesn't think until later, when Bucky's human again and Steve can kiss him properly that he realizes Bucky wasn't in pain this time.


End file.
